Like a pendulum my emotions run about inside of me. The one moment I feel like a rock star and the next my soul is in a total state of despair. Having life governed by others reactions or even worse, perceived reaction eats away at me like a cancer. I grapple for the ever illusive straws of happiness. Even though I kick against it with everything in me, I frequently feel lost in my emotional maze. Why does God have to hold the reigns so loosely? Why does He give me enough rope to hang myself time and time again? Why can’t His steadfast gaze of unconditional love be the rudder of my soul? Who am I without that gaze?
As always my small group, with the teenage boys, brings about a delightful platter of just life! Testimonies are usually the ice breaker. Like a spectator at a track meet, I sit at the edge of my seat with anticipation. It starts to roll. Juan Claude says Nicola had a dream that God told him to live the love that is in his heart. Juan Claude continues that he wanted to live that love, but because of sin, guilt and shame he felt he couldn’t. This dream inspired him to step out. Maurice says that he has been reading about Moses having to wait a long time for Gods gift and that he just has to be patient for what God has in stall for him. Nali says Nicola also had a word for him. He has a lot of wisdom and if he holds it close to his heart, God will take him a long way. The boy who chose the neck hanger says Nicola had something for him as well. He had to be more serious with his relationship with God – his time at Iris is short. I could not believe my ears!
“Now Nicola, what brought all of this about?” I ask. “I have been wanting to hear Gods voice for a long time. Julio prayed for me and he asked God to speak to me in my dreams. He gave me a dream that I will have words for people and that I need to speak them” he says. Just like that – the cherry for the cake arrived on a silver platter!
During staff meetings on a Friday, I give the teachers a chance to share their lives. Irene had difficulty finding a babysitter. She had asked all her family and everybody she knew, to no avail. She was at the point where she was contemplating to leave her job. After asking, God miraculously intervened. On the way to work she crossed paths with a previous baby sitter whom she loved. This sitter was very excited to take care of her children. Irene could not stop explaining how God turned her hopeless situation about. What can a man say? Sometimes life is just beautiful!
The thing that struck me the most this month, is that God chose me for my weakness not my strength. He died in my place, not just for me. What I do is not who I am! May you and I get our minds around that and never lose sight of His steadfast gaze of love.
As always, with much love
Michiel
Hands and Feet 